Earthquake Samurai Shodown
Fan Fiction
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Ninjutsu`s Funniest Bloopers-Earthquake`s Final Exam
by Basara Kubikiri, a.k.a. MechaAsura

Notes from the author:This takes place at the end of Earthquake`s training, when he`s about 18.For those who don`t know, Ned was Earthquake`s teacher.Well, enough talk from me, on with the story.

      [For the first part of the test, Earthquake must swing his kusari-gama by the chain and catch it with his free hand]
Earthquake:Ned, you watching? This is going to be an A+ move!
Ned:I`m watching.
[Earthquake swings his sickle, misses the catch, and hooks himself in the ass]
Earthquake:@%#$! Get it out! Get it out! Goddammit Ned, GET IT OUT!
Ned:There`s no way in hell I`m touching your ass to get that sickle.
Eathquake:You BASTARD!
Ned:And just for that, you`ve lost any second chances that you might need.
Earthquake:Well DAMMIT!

      [In the second part, we see Earthquake about to do the dissapear-and-drop-in-from-above attack]
Earthquake:Good, no blades.
Ned:You know what to do.Begin.
[Earthquake dissappears, but doesn`t reappear]
Ned:Well, this is unusual.
[We hear Earthquake screaming, then see him falling until he lands flat on his face.After about a minute, Earthquake lifts his head]
Earthquake:Uuuuhhhhhhhggggg, damn, what happened?
Ned:You failed.
Earthquake:.......[puts his head back down]

      [Next, Earthquake has to correctly perform his Rolling Chainsaw technique]
Earthquake:This is my best move.There`s absolutly no way I can fail.
Ned:Just do the move.
[Earthquake starts out perfectly, until he runs out of control and off a cliff]
Ned:That`s never happened before, nor has anyone ever failed that test.

      [Now, Earthquake has to destroy 5 strawmen with his flame breath.]
Ned:Earthquake, I think you`ve been jinxing your tests, so I don`t want you to say a word.
Earthquake:[nods head]
[Earthquake starts out fine, until the third strawman, when he catches his foot on fire]
Earthquake:AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!IT BURNS!!!!!!
[Earthquake runs around frantically until he jumps into a barrel]
Ned:Earthquake!Get out, that`s sake!
[The barrel explodes into a huge bonfire, enveloping Earthquake in fire]
Ned:Burn, baby, burn.

      [Now, he must do his duplicate trick]
Earthquake:This can`t turn out too bad.
Ned:Just do it, Earthquake.
[he makes the duplicate, which walks away]
Ned & Earthquake:..........

      [Instead of having to do the Earth Crunch, Ned has decided to change the test]
Ned:Earthquake, for the final part of the test, you must simply come up with and perform a special attack that works. Galford here will be your guinea pig.
Galford:Ned, you PROMISE you`ll tell me what you did with Poppy if I do this?
Ned:Yeah, you can trust me (Kicks away the garbage can with Poppy`s carcuss).arthquake, begin.
Earthquake:Now, what could I.. oh, I know!
[Earthquake charges, grabs Galford, presses his face to his ass, and farts, permanently scarring him]
[Galford runs off]
Earthquake:Well, how`d I do?
Ned:Your total score is a 36.

      and the rest, is history.

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